Have a good time reading, dear soulmates!
Stay safe & much love. 💖
𝙌 & 𝘼 𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃 𝙋𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙀𝘽𝙊 (𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝙸𝙸)
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| Photo credit: Scarlet Page |
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Probably sending flowers. Used to be quite into that.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I don’t really date in that romantic way. I have to be really, really smitten, and that doesn’t happen that often, unfortunately. I spend a lot of money, and shower them with loads of gifts.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “I threw a surprise party at Cafi Freedom.”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆? (𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚢 𝚂𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔/𝙴𝚖𝚖𝚊 𝙷𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚜, 𝚈𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Just not phoning back. Pretending they don’t exist. It’s really evil. But it’s so easy.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “And at the same time you hate it when it happens to you, but sh*t happens, you know?”
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒚, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐? (𝙱𝚞𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚀𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗, 𝙴𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚡)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I’d probably have my period. Maybe invest in some exotic and extravagant battery-operated toys.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “I’d probably fondle my breasts all day.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Dunno, maybe get some lesbian action.”
𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒆? 𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆? (𝙳𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚍 𝙼𝚌𝙻𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚝, 𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “He’s Bill Lloyd from the group Tram, and he plays a little bass when Stefan and I are both playing guitar, and plays a little keyboards. It’s his choice he’s offstage. He doesn’t want to be seen. He’s our tech, who got promoted.”
𝑰𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆𝒅 ‘𝑩𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆’, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒏𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒅? (𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚠 𝙻𝚊𝚛𝚢, 𝚄𝚂𝙰)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Absolutely.”
https://youtu.be/v6XhoHTDFSM
𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓-𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒏? (𝙺𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚎 𝙲𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “Nearly, when you dive into the crowd at gigs, and they’ve got you by the crotch and are strangling you.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Most fans have been really sweet to me. Real darlings. But when you spend an hour signing autographs outside a gig, and then suddenly it’s time to go, and they go from screaming ‘I love you’ to you becoming the biggest c– in the world. It’s quite blinkered. A hotel receptionist in Zurich once pulled a gun on me, because I jumped behind reception and started to hug him because he was being such an arsehole. It was then I was told it would be a good idea to go to bed.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “I haven’t. But I tried to hang myself when I was 16, from an apple tree, with a fucking garden hose. I was really pissed up. I was going down, and my mates sorted it out.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “You never told us that.”
𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈? (𝙰𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚁𝚘𝚝𝚑, 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚙𝚕𝚎)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “When I was 13. I stole my mother’s: Peter Stuyvesant luxury length, gold. And I went to the park in Dundee, where I grew up.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “When I was 11.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “Properly, when I was 17, but my first cigarette was at a Monsters Of Rock Festival in Germany when I was 12. They gave out free packets of three fags. ‘Kids! Smoke up!'”
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| Photo credit: Levy |
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆-𝒖𝒑 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅? (𝙽𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚊 𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “No-one, really. I was about 11 when I started acting in school plays, and I instantly loved it. I figured it out by myself, really. I have an excellent make-up artist now. Maybelline does an excellent eyeliner and an excellent concealer. But as far as foundation goes, Ultra-Moist Max Factor Long-Lasting is pretty good if you’re a working musician.”
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘, 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕? (𝙰𝚍𝚊𝚖 𝚆𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚍, 𝙲𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚢)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Tara Banks.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “A girl I met in Spain.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “A guy I met in Spain.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Spain, man. We just want to roll that country over and fuck it raw.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏 (𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘭𝘺): “With no lube.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “No lube! Jesus!”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I’m supposed to be the evil one. He’s the evil one!”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔? (𝙹𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚌𝚊 𝚃𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚜, 𝙲𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚎𝚢, 𝚂𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎y)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “That I was supposed to be going out with Tara Banks.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “That I was a junkie. That was really hurtful, and also the one about me being a misogynist.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “That I had an enormous d*ck.”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒏 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔? (𝙶𝚎𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎 𝙱𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚗, 𝙴𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚡) (𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳’𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 – Ed)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I’m from France: mine is Lancer Farrel.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Mine’s Butch Williams.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “Mine’s more a Germanic one: Ihssdey Haha.”
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒏 𝒂 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆? (𝙷𝚊𝚣𝚎𝚕 𝙽𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚜, 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑 𝚆𝚢𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚋𝚎)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I hope so. I was talking about this last night, because it would have been fun to be a real rock chick superwench, and use my sexual powers to destroy men. Hopefully, I’d be a maneater.”
𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚? (𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝙼𝚞𝚛𝚙𝚑𝚢, 𝙳𝚞𝚕𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚑)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “When I was 14.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “When I was 13.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “At the illegal age of 19.”
𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝑴𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉? (𝙳𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚢 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗, 𝚁𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “That wasn’t us, it was a couple of our crew. These people heard a couple of cockney accents on them, and waited for them outside a pub and beat them with sticks.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “It was a football thing. It was all because they supported a different football team. Sad f*cks. Every football fan can go and f*ck themselves.”
𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒏 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒙𝒕𝒐𝒏 𝑨𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒚? (𝙳𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚍 𝚂𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚗, 𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚗)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “It’s a John Richmond. And please don’t go out and buy it.”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒎 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈? (𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚎 𝚂𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔/𝙴𝚖𝚖𝚊 𝙷𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚜, 𝚈𝚊𝚛𝚖)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “About 250 quid. At Alexander McQueen.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Mine was a Moschino dress.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “About 400 pounds. I had a pinstripe suit made to measure.”
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| Photo credit unknown |
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Because you obviously didn’t understand it. It’s a great , it’s a feast of colour and music.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “And it has the most beautiful scene of two men kissing, ever.”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒚 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒏? (𝚃𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚛 𝚆𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚛, 𝙾𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚘, 𝙲𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚍𝚊)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “We’ve just been given a tape by some fans. These two s were waiting outside, and they’re playing ‘I Know’ off the first album really badly and they’ve changed the words to how much they want to have intimate knowledge of our… er, privates. It’s not very musical, but it is hilarious.
“Another time, I got given a photograph of this girl with a black eye with ‘Kill/ /Die’ written on it, which I carry with me everywhere, because it’s the most intense thing I’ve been given.”
𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓? (𝙽𝚊𝚗𝚘 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚊, 𝙿𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚐𝚊𝚕)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Stef, you used to have interesting facial hair: that Prince beard kind of thing. You looked very suave. Facial hair I don’t think is my thing, really. I’m a pretty clean-shaven kind of guy. It doesn’t suit me.”
𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒆𝒓? 𝑬𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒑𝒊𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆? (𝙾𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎, 𝙶𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Sorry. It’s going to have to be the custard pie.”
𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚? (𝙸𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝙶𝚎𝚖, 𝙱𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚕)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Yes. I’m fit, and well, and playing like a demon.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “I’m relatively content. It’s a few hundred miles away from happy. I would like to have a meaningful relationship with somebody that I cared about. Loneliness is quite debilitating.”
𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆? (𝚂𝚒𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚜, 𝚂𝚑𝚎𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Only if we start getting probe-searched at customs. It’s all complete , but it’s all part of the myth.”
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| Photo credit: David Corio |
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “He smells really nice, actually. Very clean. Of expensive beauty products.”
𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 ? 𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆? (𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝 , 𝚂𝚊𝚗 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Madonna.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “Madonna.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Prince. So f*ck you two.”
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕’𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓? (𝚈𝚟𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚠𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗, 𝚁𝚎𝚍𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚗, 𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚊)
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒗𝒆: “Love.”
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Freedom. I actually tried to beat up our crew the other day. The bus ran out of gas, and I lost it for a while. I didn’t get on very well, they’re huge.”
𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒌𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒔? (𝙺𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚗, 𝚃𝚎𝚕𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Oh, knickers. Lacy ones.”
𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆? (𝙹𝚘𝚎𝚢 𝙻𝚊𝚞, 𝙿𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚀𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙺𝚘𝚗𝚐)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Because there’s nothing else to do.”
𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒇𝒂𝒏: “The grass is always greener somewhere else. But you have to be here to know that. Make sense?”
𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒃𝒖𝒔? (𝙳𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚍 𝚂𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚗, 𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚗)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Watch South Park. Also, we have a new court jester, our merchandising guy who amuses us for hours by talking complete bollocks over the intercom. It’s bollocks, but it’s the funniest bollocks you’ll ever hear.”
𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒆? (𝙱𝚎𝚌, 𝙲𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚖𝚜𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚍)
𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏: “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with her.”
𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘦, 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘥. 𝘈𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘉𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘐𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴, 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘵, 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘥𝘰𝘮. 𝘚𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘕𝘔𝘌 𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴, 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦.
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